Wednesday, December 26, 2007

did i mention the catz?

My life is crazy right now with three cats, complete with shedding fur and a constant need for attention. Two of them are leaving soon, hopefully. I agreed to help out a friend who was moving but had no home for her cats a couple of months back. When I agreed, I had no clue how dysfunctional these two kitties are... In fact, I feel misguided by their human mom who said I'd love these cats. Um, no I don't.

One of them is this huge cat, complete with neurotic neediness and bullying behavior. If he wants you to pet him, he will lean his head into you with all his girth and push. It’s fine during the day. During the day I just pick him up, lifting him a few times for the workout (he’s at least 20lbs of cat), and then put him down away from me. It’s the night time that his need to be petted NOW drives me crazy as I usually am woken up in the middle of the night by the force of his head butt against my chest. Have you ever been head butted by a 20 lb cat? Ask someone to drop a bag of flour on your chest while you lie prostrate. Now, ask them to do it while you’re sleeping.

Cat #2 is this cute yet homicidal puss who spent the first month standing in front of me staring and hissing. Seriously, she would stand in my direct line of sight and randomly hiss at me. When she wasn’t hissing she was hiding. Usually I knew where she was because if I inadvertently walked passed her hiding place she would…yes, that’s right, she would hiss. She also has a tendency to wail at night, randomly without real cause except perhaps she misses her real human Mom. I feel bad, except it’s a loud howl of suffering like she alone has suffered the worst possible life EVER.

Now, those are the first two cats. The third one is…well she’s my cat. I didn’t mean to own one. Didn’t plan to add a cat to my life, though lets face it, who didn’t see this coming. She, Sammy, was a cat that hung around my house this summer so thin that her fur hung from the outline of her bones. She was so loving and beautiful. A blue and white kitty, she has these badboi stripes along her two front legs. And talk about man hands, this cat has the biggest paws. I began by feeding her as she took to living on my porch. This turned into vet visits and then one bitterly cold day, I let her come in.

Now, I’m a foster mom to three cats! I’m so overwhelmed by cat fur I’ve given up on trying to get rid of it. I have 4 sticky rolls things just so I can peel off the hair that sticks all over my clothes in any room at any time. I admit I used to judge people with animal fur on them. Now, I understand it’s just too damn impossible.

It’s not as bad as that, perhaps I’m too sarcastic about the whole affair. Homicidal cat has learned to appreciate me in her space. Everyday when I come home, she is the first one who gets a good pet as she sits on top of my chair and leans into my shoulder while I give her a good rub. Mr. Big has lost some weight under my supervision and he is so distracted by the fact he has to share my attention with YET ANOTHER CAT, he now spends his time trying to one up Sammy (my cat). He tries to pick a fight with Sammy about everything – chairs, corners and food. Sammy ignores him, which in turn increases his obsession with her.

At night, I have become accustomed to the white noise of Sammy and Mr. Big fighting over which one gets to sleep closest to my face while Homicidal Kitty wails for her lost Mom to quickly come and save her. Of course, this means no dates get to come home as I have no furfree space AND I’ve fallen behind on my cleaning. Oh, and I am not going to even mention the disproportionate amount of shit these catz produce.

Did I mention that homicidal kitty likes to take my clothes, wash cloths and knickknacks and put them in the middle of my living room floor? Yesterday one of them knocked over my entire collection of CDs, again. And Mr. Big has taken a couple sticky rolls hostage. They all take turns lying on all my stuff and someone has figured out how to open my closet, pulling down my clothes from their hangers.

Phh. What I like about my cat, Sammy, is she matches my personality the most. She has a tendency to do her own thing regardless of the other cats. And at night, when I lie in bed and write or read, she waits patiently for me to settle in and just lies beside me. No head butts or whines, just hanging with me until I am ready to give a good pet. And when it’s all said and done, she knows she’s the one who gets to stick around. That and she kicks butt with those man hands of hers when pressed by Mr. Big.

~gg

2 comments:

beth coyote said...

In terms of cats, I have a 15 pound one (with a whimpy little meow, like a squeek) who likes to sit on my chest so I can't breathe. Then he gets all pissed if I try to move him. Then there is Lola, my current fav, who is remarkably stupid. Then Lupine who is bi-polar. They have to put her in a kitty straight jacket to give her shots. Really.

Wenda said...

I still have brief pangs of missing Toby, but there are a few pluses to not having a cat in the house. Not that there isn't enough dog fur to make up the missing cat hair.