Thursday, February 28, 2008

carry yourself

Dear Grandchildren,

Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not how we carry ourselves forward that matters the most in life. Life can be full of suffering. It can. I will not deny that death brings grief; anger brings hurt, and the heart can get bruised from time to time. I see so many people in my world who linger under the wounds of hurt, carrying it on their sleeves confusing suffering for the heart exposed. I have seen so many folks adamant to avoid feel through their suffering, they lie stagnant in the pain perpetually digging deeper into their own scars. It’s not the heart strapped to the arm then, it’s the misery of having one.

Pain is inevitable sometimes, as life just has a way of being both happiness and sorrow mixed. I’m writing you this pragmatic prose in hopes that I might shed some burden for you on your own road forward. How you carry yourself through the micro chasm of distress that comes our way is really the key to a good life. My proof for my words is, I don’t know you yet, but you know me. I have no clue, even now as I skid through my 30s, how the hell we get to you, but still I write to you. I write with faith – that act of playing as if something is really true even if our lives tell us something different. I believe that there will be someone at the end of this letter, even if I am unsure how you might be there ready to read my words.

As a social worker, in the mental health field none-the-less, too many times I see the same sadness from different mouths, each thinking their misery is a special kind dosed out just for them. Others cause their suffering; others make or break their days. So many think that the idea of loss, anger, sadness, and depression are impassable feelings that linger until our end. So not true. If we take the time to find the good amongst the bad, no matter how faint it feels, we really do go forward with a lighter sense of self.

Even grief is the process of caring about what was lost. I grieve because I care for what has left me. Sure it’s a pretty sh!tty process sometimes, but it is their to honor the loss, not drown us with pain. It is there to give us pause; so that we may learn what to carry with us and what must be let go of. Though I cannot change the loss, I can honor grief for what it truly is in the situation.

So feel your pain to walk through it. Find a song or poem that reflects the mood, know you are not alone in the feeling, and then release it. Find the songs and poems that reflect how you want to feel and listen to know that we really do go through cycles in life. Whatever you do though, remember to carry yourself as your life is a unique dance meant for you to live one time only, no matter how many lifetimes you live with your soul. Carry yourself as though you are meant to be and avoid believing that it is the suffering that is meant to be.

With Love,

Nana

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