Friday, February 15, 2008

word to your bad habits

So, once again I have decided to quit smoking. Yes, I am one of those people who struggle with smoking. I want to quit, but something keeps me from completing the desire. Still I keep trying. I want to quit smoking.

I will admit, there is a part of me who likes smoking. I just do. The deep inhale, hold, and exhale. The filter between my fingers. The snapping sound of the carcinogenetic embers burning. Sigh.

Alas, for me, this is one of the last frontiers of irrational behaviors that sound good, but aren’t really. Like drinking soda. It sounds good doesn’t it? A guzzle of super charged sugar and bubbles down the gullet. Hmm. In moderation soda is good, but too much and…well, there is tooth decay, diabetes, etc. I don’t drink pop, except once in a blue moon because it’s just not good for us. So, I ask myself daily, why am I not drinking pop, but smoking a cancer cell just waiting to happen? I also ask myself do I really want to get lung cancer and know I can’t wail out loud to G-d, “Why! Why! I’m not ready to go?” Because my internal dialogue WILL SAY – “Dude, you know this is your fault.”

I know there are some who might comment, soda is different it doesn’t kill! Duh. I’m not judging your intake of soda, do what you want, I am just saying why would I abstain from pop but not smoking? But then, humans are irrational sometimes. We do things not for our best interest but what feels good, and a nice parliament between the fingers feels good.

Anywho. What spurs me to quit is I don’t like the idea that I am addicted to something. That it doesn’t take my body long to crave a smoke and that honestly, I don’t even think about popping one to my mouth at home. That bastard Parli owns me and well, mmm, I don’t like that feeling. I also wonder what life would look like if I didn’t spend time in my day devoted to smoking…like breaks and before I go out. I don’t like the smell. I don’t like the cough. I ironically do like the buzz of smoking after running, which is seriously messed up. I don’t like knowing I could be a faster runner if I quit smoking. I don’t like the fact that if I do get lung cancer, after all the PSAs on TV informing me that it causes cancer, I would look like a tragic moron when I die of cancer.

Also, if I have a kid…I cannot smoke. I don’t want my kid coming home with pamphlets about the harms of smoking trying to bargain me to quit like I did my Mom. Nor do I want my kid to think its okay AND FINALLY, I don’t care what people say, I believe 2nd hand smoke is addictive.

Why am I posting? ‘Cause I got another one of my plans in the work. This time I am using Chantix. I so want to quit cold turkey. Its not happening, and I want to quit more then looking good quitting. Blah. Unfortunately, I don’t trust this drug. It’s the new miracle drug which means the lot of us will probably grow tumors in our lungs within five years. They’re using the argument that the drug may have side effects, but quitting out weigh the effects. Which as we all know means…we hired a public relations person to cover up some serious sh!t so when the truth comes out we can say we really told you so…but not really. I figure it might be good to chronicle the experience of taking such a new drug for others. I found it helpful to actually talk to people who used the medication, so perhaps someone else might benefit too. And if the rumors are true that Chantix can cause a mental melt down...well you saw it here first, folks.

Anyway, my quit date is February 29th, Leap Day. I feel like I just picked the best wedding (I mean quit) date ever! Tehe. I am preparing to quit and prepping my resources. Today, I just decided if I put it on the blog, I will have to follow through.



Wayne Stratz said...

good luck from one who has quit a few things along the way.

beth coyote said...

you can do it, honey bunch. I love to smoke, I just don't for all the usual reasons, esp the scum cigarette companies. It didn't make me a faster runner but I'll never be fast, I realized. I had some excuses but I'm just a turtle. Sigh.

GoGo said...

Thank you. I appreciate the support!


Jane said...

I'll say it can do it!!! Just keep coming back here for support :)

Wenda said...

Way to go! Not an easy decision to make and stick to, I know (I made it more times than I can count), but I know you'll be glad you did.

I'm addicted to nicotine and haven't had any since 1988 when I last relapsed and smoked for 10 weeks after quitting for 2 years. For me, it was important to keep a visible list (like the one I kept when leaving an abusive partner) to remind me (instead of fond remembrances)of all the good reasons for which I had quit the habit.

I'm looking forward to your cough-free blogs! :)